Going to the Movies Just Got Complicated

Fuck we’re late!  My bestie and I tend to have our movie timing down to a science.  It’s been months since we’ve been to the theater, but on a normal occasion we’d be able to arrive to the cinema, buy popcorn, candy and a coke (diet coke for me) and be in our seats just in time for the talking popcorn kernels tell us to turn off our phones. We race the clock as if it were a sport, but today we’re late.

We quietly step into the theater. We grab the first two aisle seats by the door. Good, we didn’t distract anyone, I thought. By the looks of things we’re not the only ones sneaking in after the previews. I watch a couple tip-toe into the theater, they look lost. They’re staring at their tickets, then at the floor, then back at their tickets. I wondered what they’re doing. They proceed to walk up a few steps, through the aisle to take two corner seats.  We’re past the opening credits. In comes a woman. She looks just as lost as the couple.  She’s staring at her ticket, but this time people are making room for her to take a seat. There are plenty of open seats in this theater. What’s up with the shuffle?!?!  I pulled out my ticket. We have assigned seats. What The Fuck?!?!  When did going to the movies become so complicated?!


I watch as more latecomers creep into the theater.  At this point I have no clue how the psycho got into the car with the three teenage girls. I couldn’t keep my eyes on the screen.  I was too nervous about whether someone was going to come in late and ask me and my friend to get out of our “self-appointed” seats. What if we move and someone was in our assigned seats. Do we ask them to move? Is there a seat cut off time?  What if I go to the bathroom and someone steals the seat that I stole from them? But I didn’t really  steal their seat, did I? Now I’m the psycho!

The seat scenario has me more panicked than the thriller we came here to see. Finally, it appears there were no more late comers. I can finally enjoy the film. Next time, fuck the popcorn. I’ll be on time and in my proper place.