Getting over a break-up is tough. Rising above your own level of pettiness is even harder. If all you want this Valentine’s Day is revenge, then we’re here to help with our Petty Gift Guide.
For the Ex You Want to Stomp
Name a roach after him or her. For a messily $10, you can name a Bronx Zoo Madagascar hissing cockroach after your no-so-loved one. The zoo will even send your former boo a digital certificate with the roach’s name. Can you think of a better way to make someone’s skin crawl?
Bronx Zoo Madagascar Hissing Coackroach via Bronx Zoo Instagram
For the Guy or Girl Who’s A Piece of Shit
Nothing says Valentine’s Day like roses – except roses that are made of elephant poop. Send the one you hate a bouquet of these shitty paper flowers for only $9. Fortunately for your ex, these flowers by Uncommon Goods are odorless. It’s the thought that counts.
For the Person Who Hasn’t Blocked You Yet
The best gift you can give someone on Valentine’s Day is yourself-ie. Throw a few extra coins toward your hair, nails and make-up this week. Why not, after all who loves you more than YOU?!?! Follow-up by finding the right lighting and perfect pose to flaunt your fly on social media! Your ex will feel the burn, if he or she hasn’t blocked you already.
Just remember it’s YOU who’s being petty this Valentine’s Day, so prepare for the consequence that may follow well after February 14th. #OhNoTheyDidnt